FINALLY!

(This is not a picture from Alaska-I'm too lazy to find my camera..)

**So I'm gonna go on a long winded rant that could be surmised in a few sentences. If you want to skip the epic telling then hit the 'End Key' on your grimy keyboard and skip to the bottom.**

I've waited a long freaking time to say this and I mean a long freaking time. My life is pretty much an open book and I don't mind sharing most details of my life with people. As you've probably gathered from reading my tirades.

Let's back up to the year uhm...dang...oh Januaryish ...no wait January 16th 2007. Bah. Go me. OK let me set the stage. 

Dekalb, Illinois.

The year is 2007....the year before the economy hits the fan. 

The time is approximately lateish.

It's really dark outside.

No, seriously really dark, have you been down Dekalb back country roads? 

Freezing rain.

I'm in the purple family mini van...I was the cool kid in school don't ya know? Actually I was I was the only one of my roommates with wheels....cool or otherwise...

I'm coming home from visiting my, bf, now jerk faced ex boyfriend, who was in the hospital, I had just been kissed for the first time ever, wait no that was later...driving at a snails pace of 15 mph, it's that bad outside and then BAM...I do a full on 360 on the icy roads and come within inches of severing off my head by a telephone pole. I was back boarded out, they scanned my head, told me I was shaken not stirred and sent me home. OK well home is a relatively loose word here. I had just started to date this guy, or any guy for this matter, I had just met his mom for the first time and now she's taking me back to his place to spend the night to make sure I'm OK. Yeah...awkward....

Well...about a week or so later I get crushing pains in my chest and about a month after that I decide to you know go see a doctor. (Insert my best friend/big sister shaking her head at me) Well he tells me I've pulled the muscles/tendon off the bone in two places in my chest, hands me some anti inflammatory/muscle relaxants and sends me back to school.

I've been in pain ever since that night. I'm pretty good at hiding it/coping with it. Some days are better than others and I have my moments of not wanting to get out of bed. I can feel the pop of the muscle being pulled off again if I move the wrong way and the agony that follows. Nights of hurting so bad I cry and pray to someone that I don't wake up in the morning. It hurts so bad. But I manage. Being 24 and feeling like a crippled 80 year old woman is no fun at all. 

See...your body has a funny way of coping. It protects itself. Since I was never properly taken care of my body curled up on itself in it's own defensive shell. Thusly, my entire neck, lower back and shoulder combo have become scarred and useless. It also doesn't help when you work as a nurses aide and a nanny...you re-injure a lot. 

OK-so...I've spent thousands of dollar, poured out tears and so much time with so many specialists. I've had doctors throw pills at me, tried physical therapy, took out $2,000 dollars on a medical credit card to only quit seeing the chiropractor because I would go home in excruciating pain. I've seen 2 chiros. I've tried massage. I had a doctor tell me to stop crying because I should be grateful I don't have cancer. I had an ortho charge me $3,000 for an MRI, tell me there's nothing wrong and that he needs to do surgery which only has a 50% chance of TELLING him if something is wrong. Oh and did I mention the doctor that told me I need to get a hobby?

So, I'm fed up with the medical community. I shake every time I go to an appointment prepared to be told I'm crazy, that nothing is wrong, just ice it and it'll be fine. Since 2007...that's a long time to be told you're bat shit looney. 

I swear this is going somewhere...well on a whim I asked the girls dad...Dr. J if he knew any good chiros in the area. I figured an adjustment a month might help loosen me up and it couldn't hurt. Well he referred me to a clinic and I made an appointment and got right in.

I left crying tears of joy. Well I cried in there too. 

This guy wasn't a chiropractor. He's an ART (I think) specialist. Basically he's good with soft tissue injuries. 

He poked around my shoulder a bunch and instantly made my pinky hurt and hand go numb . He looked me in the eyes and said the words I'd been waiting to hear for so long. 

**I have an answer. You are a can of worms with a lot going on. Apparently my T1 is all goofed up and my ulna nerve is impinged. Or something. For having gotten an answer I can't really remember what it was. I just remember shaking and crying that someone finally believed me and could point to exactly where my pain was. I have a ton of scar tissue in my chest. My neck barely moves. My shoulder has no range of motion. My nerves are all impinged.

I'm actually crying right now. 

Since I quit my job back home I've lost my insurance. Total bummer. I can't afford a $500 COBRA and personal insurance is $300 a month with a 12 month waiting period. Can't do that either. 

Well this new guy wants me to get an MRI of my neck done. It's not going to happen since I can't afford it. Once I do get insurance..I'll get it taken care of. (and people are against social health care...seriously..) For right now I'm just grateful that someone was able to tell me that my pain is valid. Most people don't want to be told that something is wrong. I do. I have. It feels amazing. I can't do anything to fix it right now but I'm just grateful to finally not feel so alone in my fight. 

Thank you world.

And thank you for listening. 

(P.S.-I sent out my Portland Application today...I'm nervous I forgot/didn't do something right..I just need to breathe and let the universe do it's thing.)

"Every day in every way I'm getting better and better"-Coue.