Tuesday, December 6, 2011
I think this is adieu...for now..
I can hardly believe I'm writing this. I'm feeling kinda down in the dumps and blah and am pretty much resigned to not posting every day. Life around here is painted in a sea of sameness. I have really nothing much to talk about. I've been having a hard time feeling like I fit in, knowing my place, adapting to rural life and fighting the itch to run away to a big city. Don't get me wrong I'm not regretting my decision in any way. It's so odd too because this morning I was feeling on top of things but I just sorta slid into this, what the hec moment. Part of me wonders if I'm not being the best nanny I can. Maybe I'm just stricter than the last or something is going on with the girls. I don't yell or scream unless a kid is in imminent danger. I just have been using my strong nanny voice a lot more lately. I'm' pretty stern about fruits and veggies, being a good listener, not annoying the crap out of me and being kind. It's not a hard formula. Eat well, listen to me and behave. Seriously. I'm not that demanding. I just don't know what's going on, or if it's me. I think I'm gonna bid the daily diary adieu for now until something more momentous occurs. Something along the lines of a trip or something that actually happens, as oppose to the daily grind of driving constantly and listening to chitter chatter in the car. So, yes dear friend or two I shall write to you again when the Earth moves.
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Sorry to hear you're feeling down in the dumps! I think that you're awesome, as you can probably tell from my last comment =) Judging from your previous posts, you seem to be doing a marvelous job of finding things to do and living in the moment. I don't blame you, however, for feeling like things are becoming status quo...as you've reached your one month mark, it seems like your enthusiasm for the newness of your situation is petering out. Never fear! I'm sure things will pick up soon =)
ReplyDeleteIn Zen Buddhism (as well as a lot of Japanese martial arts, such as Aikido, where I learned about it), there is a concept called, "shoshin" or, "beginner's mind." the idea is, essentially, that the best way to learn about and truly appreciate something is to approach it as you were a beginner (self explanatory, I guess). By doing this, however, you allow yourself to view and experience whatever it is you're studying (in your case, alaska =P ) without the pressures and preconceptions of what you think you already know.
whenever I hear that someone is feeling the pains of a daily grind, or when I feel that woe myself, I always think about that concept. Wouldn't it just make people so much happier if everyone was able to, for example, experience nature as though they had never seen anything like it? Or food as though nothing had ever tasted better?
In any case *hugs* and I hope you feel better!