First of many...

There is a lot of chaos back home. It's been a rough couple of days for several of my friends and it's been tough not being there to give them a hug or go over to their house or bake them cookies. I keep thinking to myself OH so and so is playing at the cafe next weekend I'll surely go to that and then it hits me that I'm exactly 3,688 miles (I mapped it today) away. Skype, the phone and e-mail are all handy but it's not the same. This homebody is having the first in what I'm sure will be many days of missing home. I'm definitely feeling a tug of wanting to be home but also digging being on my own.  Somewhat. 

 I'm enjoying listening to waves crash against the beach and the wind rip through the trees and plan out my humongous art project. Part of me oddly misses all the goofyness back home. I think I'm just torn because as a friend so eloquently pointed out , I'm never happy with the present, I'm always thinking about the future. I think that's one of my many flaws. My brain can never just settle into the here and now and enjoy it. Maybe once I start working out again, am not living on a couch and out of my suitcases and can actually find my stuff I'll feel better. I'm a creature of habit and routine and it's lacking currently. Right now I'd like to just shed a few tears, curl up with my bear (yes I will admit on the internet that I still sleep with a teddy bear) and listen to my Eva Cassidy sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow."