A Day with my Bean

So there have been rumblings that there are confusions about which of my kiddos is which. So I will use their nicknames that I gave them from now on. Bean, pictured above and for the rest of this post, is my little four year old. Excuse me, I'm being informed she isn't little. Bear is my six year old tomboy the opposite of her sister. Bean will scream, like tears and all, over wearing jeans and tights will illicit the same reaction in her sister. 

Anyhoo. Bean had the day off from school since her teacher posted on facebook, yes we're being notified by FB these days, that she had the stomach flu. Needless to say I sanitized my hands A LOT. 

Determined to not be in the house all day and do something I semi planned/ went with the flow of it and took Bean out all day. 

After we dropped Bear off at school Bean and I ate breakfast. I even got 20 minutes in on the treadmill. Go me!

We watched one of my childhood favorite movies, The Princess Bride, I had a huge crush on Wesley. Drools. The awesome 80's effects and cheesyness is the best. 

OK for us anything in the 20's is fabulous. As in, if I'm running the girls around, I wear nothing more than a shirt and a fleece and I'm good. As in I smile from ear to ear when my nostrils don't freeze. So, today it was a mild 24 and perfect going out weather. Bean and I got bundled and headed for Soldotna. Soldotna has more "stuff" like stores and such. 

Their Mom put together this awesome community playground. When we pulled in even as an adult I just wanted to go run and play. Covered in snow and all. 

So apparently I was not bright enough to realize that sticking a four year old in a baby swing fully clothed in winter gear was NOT a bright idea. It took the patience of a saint, the voice of a kindergarten teacher and the strenght of Andre the Giant to get her out. She kept pleading with me to call her Papa and in my head I was about ready to call the fire department to use the jaws of life. I was proud of myself for keeping her calm, staying sharp and finally getting her out. It was both a bad/good nanny/parenting moment. I'm not even going to mention the peeing in the snow moment...

We had such a blast wooshing down icy slides, throwing snow balls and running around.

We had a picnic in the car and then went for a walk by the river. I probably didn't need to do the treadmill this morning. For, I carried a forty pound four year old through knee high snow and up 4 flights of stairs. 

She had the most amazing swim lesson ever today. I was about ready to give up hope on her ever swimming, but I was on the brink of tears as I watched her ACTUALLY swim. I was beaming from ear to ear. 

So I took her out for a cookie and chips at Subway. That's where she wanted to go. Or as she refereneced it, "the place with tomato chips where I pooed".  :P

We picked up her sister and took them to visit their Dad at his clinic.

Bean asked if we could go to the pet store and I consented. It's actually a pretty neat place. Huge rows of fish tanks and she has fun looking at all the fish. Hearing her squeals of joy were cute. 

It was finally time for home where I took full advantage of the massaging chair where we listened to Christmas music, read books and ate dinner. 

It was a long day but I had such a blast. 

Oh I suppose I forgot to mention that I got to talk to my little brother today. Always LOVE talking to friends back home. Wink Wink. :)

Confession

So I have something I'd like to admit to the big bad internet, well OK, my small cult of followers. 


I am completely, one hundred percent afraid of the dark. Like 5 year old cowering under the covers because of the boogey man scared. Like I have to sleep with a light on almost every night scared. 


Yup, I'm 24 and terrified of the dark. I loathe having to pee and walk across the 5 steps to my bathroom. There are too many doors and it's dark and it's windy outside. 


I think I'm gonna go ahead and blame my overly active imagination on this one. That and the fact that for a good 5-6ish years of my life I lived in an ancient house that was haunted. No joke.  Full on ghost and spirits. Just ask my brother he'll confirm.


Or maybe it's from when I was a kid and we had this basement with a super long hallway. For some reason my friends and I thought it would be funny for my dad to hide in one of the rooms, turn off all the lights and we would walk slowly down the hallway while my dad made noises and would eventually jump out and scare the bejesus out of us. 


OR. 


Or maybe it's the time when I had the brilliant idea to live in an apartment by myself in college. I was peacefully sleeping one night when all of a sudden I heard a rapping at my bedroom window. I just thought it was the tree that hung kinda low and that it was windy outside. It started getting louder and louder and it was too consistent. So I clapped on the lights (yes, yes let the mockery begin, I own a Clapper) and there outside my window was this hand knocking on my frosted window. I think I screamed. Literally and curled up in a ball in the space between my bedroom and the living room. Fetal style. The next day I called my ex who lived across the street and curled up with him I was so freaked out.


Weirdo? Probably. More like easily spooked. 


The boiler is in a closet in my room so it makes noise now and again. Well it decided to talk last night. I was freaked the hell out. 


Remember that teddy bear? Well if he were living he would have died from the amount of strangulation I was providing. 


In fact I'm kind of scaring myself while writing this...


So, there. I'm an adult who is fully willing to tell you that I'm petrified of creaky houses and the dark. And ghost hands. 


Great. Now I'm gonna have to sleep with the light on and look at pictures of kittens before bed...good gravy. 

A new addiction...

That picture pretty much sums up exactly how I feel right about now. Mondays are both taxing on my nerves and just generally exhausting. 


It was like trying to move slugs this morning. I kept bouncing between both rooms yanking covers, singing silly songs, flickering lights, yelling at the dog, flailing clothes and general pleading. I can't blame them. I barely wanted to get out of bed this morning. I keep having these awesome sci-fi dreams. They're really involved and detailed oriented. Most of the time I'm a bad ass super hero of sorts. Which is odd since I've barely watched any TV or movies at all lately and the book I'm reading is set in the late 1900's and is based on a train family. Anyway I digress. 


I didn't have my camera with me this morning but I should have photographed all of the bags I had to pack and take to the car today. There were two lunch boxes, a backpack, 2 bags with snow gear, a library bag, homework folder, swim bag, karate bag and special project bag. Yeah. That's my Monday at 7:30 a.m. for a night owl. Have I mentioned I'm a night owl who now goes to bed at 10:30?


Well I sure got the talking to this morning by A's preschool teacher. This kid is 4. She is in pre-school. They each had to choose a continent, build a diorama, hand write labels, create a food dish and make a presentation. This kid is 4. Seriously. 




Well I didn't think we had to have the diorama at school today so I didn't lug the monstrous thing. Well I totally failed. Apparently they were handwriting labels. The trees had to be specifically labeled. Little do they know that they cut up a Christmas garland to make trees. There is no specificity sister. 

***TANGENT WARNING****

I have a new addiction ladies and gentlemen. I'm starting to crave tea. I used to mildly with stand the stuff. Now I can't go with out. On the way home from running errands I actually stopped and picked up a cup. I went four days with out up in Anchorage and thought I was going to die. 

****TANGENT OVER*****

Well I volunteered to make dinner in the crockpot tonight. The pictures below describe how this veggie ripped apart a chicken carcass. All in the name of dinner. Oh did I mention I had to dig through garbage bags in coolers in the parents bedroom for my  spaces. Yup, no kitchen. 

Swim lessons. Even A's teacher looked exhausted to me. She really enjoyed donning the swim flotation thing, life vest, there's the word. She swam like a fish with that thing on, now only if we could mimic it without...

She always wipes out after lessons and was so tired she slept in the cart all through Hell (A.K.A -Walmart). It wasn't until  after I picked up her sister did she immediately spring to life when I was giving M a few MnM's. The magic of chocolate. 






Library. Forcing children to read and write their name. I'm evil. 


Karate. Forcing a four year old to sit patiently for 30 minutes after only killing 30 at the grocery store and the gas station. I've been to the grocery store so often I know which people work which shift it feels like. 


Home. At last. Thank the pear. 


Counseling friends makes me feel warm inside and I'm glad that even though I'm so far away I can be there to help. 


OK I'm trying a new night time tea and it's only aiding and abetting this tired pumpkin feeling...askdflgjsldjlgs;kjzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Look Twice

I'm going through what some might call a pre-mid life crisis, crisis. A crisis of identity. A second look at who I am. I know that who I am is always going a be fluctuating image much like the tide. Coming and going and changing with the seasons. One minute I see myself as a nomad traveling around the world teaching English, capturing my travels on film and in my writing. Other days I see myself living in a community that supports my healthy lifestyle, going to graduate school for my MSW. Other days I see myself just nanny hopping from one family to the next. Part of me wants stability and the other relishes travel. I try not to let myself feel jealous when I read of former classmates off on fabulous journeys or read blogs about smart women and men who've turned a living out of their passion. I read about people travelling to India to study with gurus and then traveling to Europe to study with the great masters and then came home and started a business. How completely awe inspiriting is that?

I just feel like I'm so scattered some days that I don't even know what my calling is or my stance is. This whole internet business has made things rather difficult. I feel like getting started is the hardest part of all this. 

I'm really trying hard to be happy in the moment, but that's really tough for me. I'm always thinking about the next step. Once I figure out what that is maybe then I can breathe. Hopefully. 

I just can't even see myself going back to the 9 to 5 rat race. I never ever, ever, ever, ever (have I made it clear enough?) want to work for the corporate warlords. EVER. I like routine but good golly miss molly I will not be a cubicle rat so help me the heavenly pear I will not. 

I know all of the horror stories about being a social worker, hec, most of my friends are. But I think I've decided, for today, to apply to Portland University through their MSW program and the Peace Corps International. If I don't get in I'll apply to the TEFL Institute and wait it out a year until I do. OK. Yeah. For right now that sounds good...I think...

I also wonder sometimes why it is I've taken it upon myself to write and photograph every day for this blog. It's not like I have some cult following reading my every word, drooling for the next semi witty word. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not in a bad mood. Although I know it's starting to sound that way. 

I think I'm writing to prove in some weird way that I can accomplish something I set my mind to. That this writing is a place for all the crazy things jumbling and jumping around in my brain to be released. Although half the time I don't always make it to the computer before the flitting idea escapes. It gives my otherwise routine days a sense of purpose. I sort of relish, well most days, the idea of having a purpose to the end of my day. Either spewing about the day, some funny happening or some poetic rambling that I've been repeating to myself all day. You tend to do a lot of thinking when you're driving around all day.

So boring or not I'm gonna write every day. Damn it. 

(or at least post a picture..even that of shower tiles)

:) 

Driving Home

(bison at Big Game Alaska)

(we visited the family that lives there-how cool would it be to be a kid growing up here?!)

(pretty scenery on the way home)

3 p.m sunset

I am not feeling inspired nor creative. So I'm going to post the pictures from today. Hanging out with cousins, art work, sledding, shopping with D and eating left overs. Enjoy the pics!

(it's tiring getting bundled up)

(the snow was up past my knees in some parts)

(moose just casually hanging out by the sledding hill)

(D and the girls swinging round and round)

(Birdie)

(sun setting at 3 pm.)

(my grouchy A)

(2 moose)

(heading home)

(mountains in Anchorage)

(artwork at NanNan's house)

That's all folks! 

Merci.

There's a lot I have to be thankful for. A lot. Above all else I'm glad that my family even though we may be spread apart are extremely close. 

My mom is alive. 

Even though she suffered a stroke that could have easily killed her, her strong willed spirit kept her going. I couldn't be more grateful.

My father is employed.

 In this tough economy my Dad is running his own business and working full time. He's the rock of my family. 

My brother is in college.

My brother bore the biggest brunt of the change that the stroke brought upon my household. He may have had his rough patches but he never stopped fighting. He is the role model of dedication to your passion and your art. As a big sister I couldn't be more proud. 

I'm on a new journey.

I'm grateful that I was given this chance to explore a new direction in my life. I'm blessed to have support and love back home from family and friends who care about me deeply. 

I have friends.

They may be back home and far far away but they are there. They love me and fill me with wisdom. 

I have a cat.

He's my angel, my sweetheart, my bubby.

I have 3 families.

My kiddos back home are the light in my heart and a day doesn't pass that I'm not looking at their picture or wondering what they are doing. I have a new adopted family that has bestowed me with kindness and open hearts. 

I'm alive.

I'm here. I'm ready to make a difference. I was put here to spread love and kindness. 

Above all else I'm grateful to have a roof over my head, food in my belly , love in my heart and wisdom to impart. 

I spent my first Thanksgiving away from home in Anchorage, Alaska. We stayed at NanNan's house last night after a long drive up. D's family who live in town came over with a bushel of food. NanNan's room-mate was extra kind and made me a vegan quinoa loaf and tofu spinach dip. Everyone was so accommodating in making me dishes that I could eat. Man was the food delicious. I got to play with the girl's cousins, one of whom just turned one. What a little pumpkin. She came toddling right over to me and let me swoosh her through the air. D had a craving and an idea to make turtle cheesecake. Let me interrupt to say that I broke more vegan vows today than I have in a LONG time. Back home it's tradition for me to be in charge of desserts. I'm pretty decent with savory dishes but baking is more my forte. I have to say for being a brain dead zombie those cheesecakes were mighty mighty tasty. 

We ate around noon thirtyish here. I was able to "see" my family on Skype and it brought me to tears that I couldn't be there with them today. Like I said before I'm just glad we're all together. 

Later in the evening we traveled down the road to a friend of D's. They all knew each other from nursing school and working together at the local hospital. I didn't really know any one and just enjoyed watching all the kiddos running around and general people watching. There was a point where I was sitting at the table and all these people are discussing their big hunting excursions and what they killed and how they dressed it. Little did they know there was a vegetarian in their midst. It made me chuckle inside. The evening was nice but we were all tuckered out and headed for home. 

So I'm wishing everyone a wonderful Kill a Turkey Day. Count your blessing no matter how small and don't be afraid to tell your friends you love them and shower them with hugs. 

It happened.

I love sitting in coffee shops trying to figure out who people are and what their purpose is being there at this particular time. It took me a few moments but I finally figured out that the couple that I was semi incongruously spying on behind a shelf of of cups were discussing religious teachings. I just haven't quite figured out their purpose. I think one might me a theology student and the other is either a nut or a pastor. Not quite sure. This spying all came about after I was locked out of my house. Yeah. That happened. 

Sometimes the words that come out of my mouth are not the ones that I practiced in my head. For example I meant to ask the barista to keep an eye on my stuff but instead ended up asking her permission to use the bathroom...yeesh. 


OK back to why I was locked out. Well, I knew it was going to be an insanely busy day so I preemptively loaded the car with everything I needed. I had to take Bezor the dog of terror to the vet for shots and then the kennel for boarding. Well I was finished with that a lot sooner than expected so I decided to take some much needed me time and go home and zone out with a cup of tea. I'll admit I used to not care for the stuff but much like mushrooms, no no not the magical kind, I've become hooked. Yeah. That happened. 


While we were waiting to go into the changing room for swim lessons this mom and her two little girls come walking down the hallway. They were the most prim and prop children I have seen in a long long time. I thought they were gonna bust out with British accents or curtsy after completing a sentence. They were both donned in pea coats with faux leopard print. The oldest girl after performing her ballet routine informed me in the most serious tone that she was here to sign up for lessons because "she found that she only sticks her head in the water." I probably looked like a dumb billy goat with my mouth open. I didn't know what to say. There I was sitting with my four year old who had put her vest on over her coat and was making silly faces at me and it seemed we were staring at her antithesis in the mirror. Yeah. It happened. And I giggled inwardly. 


We had some time to kill and not enough time to run home. As I've mentioned before everything around here is a good 20 minute span from anything else. So, we're at the library and I'm reading A a book about the first Thanksgiving. She points to picture of a Pilgrim and asked me what that was.


Me: "That's a Pilgrim."


A: "I thought that was a human."


Me: "It's both. A Pilgrim and a human" (starts to pee her pants with laughter.)


A: "So it's not a human." (is fighting hard to not die from laughter)


Even the librarian was fighting hard not to laugh. Yeah I cried while reading in the library. It happened. 


I saw an older woman today moving with such slow careful purpose. I thought to myself, I don't ever want to be that old. This body is tired now. I can't imagine how tired she must be. I don't want to get old. No thank you.


Let's see there was a dim witted newbie at Subway. A long line at Freddy's. A drive to Anchorage. A trip to the grocery store. A zombie (that's me) making a cheese cake.  Now a night on the couch. Good gravy.