Saying Aurevoir

As a kid I would often hide in my room when relatives would leave so I wouldn't have to say goodbye. Perhaps I wanted to hold on to the memories that we had made or maybe I just couldn't face the awkward and emotional dance of the goodbye. As I've gotten older I've still not gotten much better about saying adios. I become too attached to people, I only let certain people into my life and having to say goodbye to them is really difficult. 

When I made the decision to change my life I also made the decision to let go of the people I had just become familiar with. I was staring at someone in the mirror that I wasn't happy with. Sure, I'd come to accept my body for what it was, but I hadn't accepted the journey that it was taking. I was too wrapped up in taking care of other people and not myself. I'd always followed someone else's plan, but never mine own. I've always been hiding in the shadow of self doubt. People have been telling me I'm brave to do something like this. I tend to disagree, I'm just courageous enough to acknowledge what is hiding inside all of us. 

The drive and the will and the acceptance that sometimes you are going to leap and sometimes you are going to fail.

In exactly, not that I'm counting, 15 days I will be crying my eyes out at the airport with my mother and father, suitcase in hand, bound for Alaska. Yup, not the sandy warm beaches of Florida or the tropics of Cancun, the cold stunning northern Alaska.

So here begins this journey, and it all starts with saying goodbye.

My goodbyes began last week where I was showered by the staff and residents of the shelter where I volunteer. Followed by dinner with the kids that have become my family. Tailed closely by a secret meeting in my office. Shouted from the mouths of the kids of the social skills group I co-led and in exactly a weeks time surrounded by all of my friends.

Goodbyes are never easy but they remind you of all the support that you have in your life. Now, I'm not saying that everyone needs to go jet set off the Alaska to realize the support that they have. No. I'm saying take a moment and make a list of all the people you'd have to say goodbye to if you were to move far away one day. It'll make you appreciate so much more deeply the people in your life. The same thing happened when my mom had her devastating stroke. A series of dinners appeared on our doorstep and to this day our lawn gets mowed and when we get forgetful our trash cans get returned to our driveway.

I may not say it enough but I am so truly blessed to have all the friends and support that I have in  my life. It's going to be tough to say adieu, it really will. I have already bawled my eyes out on several occasions. But I'm grateful that I've come to know so many wonderful people. 

So, let this journey begin....