Life in a box.

(****warning the following content may be too sentimental for some audiences****)

I don't remember the circumstances or why I was there but when we lived in Chicago there was a close family friend that we used to visit often. I just remember liking her house because all the rooms were like a circle that we could easily run around and play tag. We also got in trouble for "borrowing" a Polaroid camera and taking (get your mind out of the gutter...I was seven) pictures of the ceiling and trying miserably to hide the evidence. But, I digress. We were sitting in her living room one day and she asked us to play a little mind game. She told us to close our eyes and imagine that everything in the house was suddenly gone. Now piece by piece put it back, but the only things that come back are the ones that you remember. I'll never forget that exercise for its simplicity in forcing you evaluate what is really important in your life.


The past few days have been a slow sludge and sticky crawl towards packing up my existence into neat piles to later be boxed or stuffed into a suitcase. It has forced me to realize that we live overly complicated lives. My grandma lived through the depression and she would always tell me that she had one dress that she wore to school and one dress that she wore to church. Now, granted I know that times are vastly different but it puts into perspective the complicatedness of our lives. It's really no different than when we go to the grocery store and have to choose between fifteen million brands of peanut butter. 


Again, I digress. 


I haven't become too emotional about the move yet. There was one time in my old office with my coworkers and I read a card with all their sweet and funny notes. Tonight, I almost got choked up seeing my little cat yawning in front of all my clothes and belongings. It finally hit me that I'll soon be packing up and saying goodbye to the little bugger. 


If you had to pack up your life into a box, what would you choose? If your house was on fire and you could take five things with you, not counting pets and loved ones, what would you hold most valuable?


Just a nugget of thought for the day. 

(That's about 90% of the things I'm taking with...I can't decide if that's a lot or pretty reasonable)

You know you're moving to Alaska when...

 ......when your father presents you with a knife and hammer for "camping" purposes.


........when your best friend tells you that she's going to buy you a tanning kit when you get back because everyone there is "white". ( I don't mean that offensively...or to not be PC)


......when your going away card has several mentions of staying warm.


.....when you have to pack away all of your newly purchased sun dresses.


........when men's thick navy blue socks become your new fashion choice over small pink and blue polka dotted no shows. 


.....when your best friend warns you to carry bear mace and you have to swear allegiance to not getting mauled by one.

(that's a hat in case you were wondering...gonna need lots of those too)

Saying Aurevoir

As a kid I would often hide in my room when relatives would leave so I wouldn't have to say goodbye. Perhaps I wanted to hold on to the memories that we had made or maybe I just couldn't face the awkward and emotional dance of the goodbye. As I've gotten older I've still not gotten much better about saying adios. I become too attached to people, I only let certain people into my life and having to say goodbye to them is really difficult. 

When I made the decision to change my life I also made the decision to let go of the people I had just become familiar with. I was staring at someone in the mirror that I wasn't happy with. Sure, I'd come to accept my body for what it was, but I hadn't accepted the journey that it was taking. I was too wrapped up in taking care of other people and not myself. I'd always followed someone else's plan, but never mine own. I've always been hiding in the shadow of self doubt. People have been telling me I'm brave to do something like this. I tend to disagree, I'm just courageous enough to acknowledge what is hiding inside all of us. 

The drive and the will and the acceptance that sometimes you are going to leap and sometimes you are going to fail.

In exactly, not that I'm counting, 15 days I will be crying my eyes out at the airport with my mother and father, suitcase in hand, bound for Alaska. Yup, not the sandy warm beaches of Florida or the tropics of Cancun, the cold stunning northern Alaska.

So here begins this journey, and it all starts with saying goodbye.

My goodbyes began last week where I was showered by the staff and residents of the shelter where I volunteer. Followed by dinner with the kids that have become my family. Tailed closely by a secret meeting in my office. Shouted from the mouths of the kids of the social skills group I co-led and in exactly a weeks time surrounded by all of my friends.

Goodbyes are never easy but they remind you of all the support that you have in your life. Now, I'm not saying that everyone needs to go jet set off the Alaska to realize the support that they have. No. I'm saying take a moment and make a list of all the people you'd have to say goodbye to if you were to move far away one day. It'll make you appreciate so much more deeply the people in your life. The same thing happened when my mom had her devastating stroke. A series of dinners appeared on our doorstep and to this day our lawn gets mowed and when we get forgetful our trash cans get returned to our driveway.

I may not say it enough but I am so truly blessed to have all the friends and support that I have in  my life. It's going to be tough to say adieu, it really will. I have already bawled my eyes out on several occasions. But I'm grateful that I've come to know so many wonderful people. 

So, let this journey begin....